My Personal Coaching Experience

A couple of years ago I was in a position I previously never thought I would find myself in. Everything about it was foreign; the feelings, the circumstances, the structure. I was in a romantic relationship of, let’s call it “unconventional” circumstances, and couldn’t speak to anyone about it. The secrecy was part of the excitement, but it was also that which was eating me up inside. I was in a whirlwind of emotions and knew I couldn’t hold it by myself any longer.

I decided to seek help in the form of therapy. Not for this relationship however, but to work through some childhood trauma - or so I thought. Through the wonders of synchronicities, a friend recommended a therapist / coach who she had been working with herself and who had helped her immensely. I reached out to this coach and after an initial chemistry call, we decided to work together.

The first sessions were a strange experience for me. Firstly, as someone who up until that point had gone through her entire life as a people pleaser and a harmoniser, being in a space that solely centred around me felt foreign and, frankly, quite uncomfortable. I would constantly try to shift the attention back to my coach’s well-being and tried to make sure that I was meeting her needs rather than meeting my own. Once I got used to the idea that we were both in this space for me, things began to shift. Suddenly inner truths started pouring out and only then did I realise what I had actually come to her for.

Yes, the childhood trauma was addressed and worked through to an extent, but what I really needed was for someone to listen to me without judgement or providing their opinion, and to guide me through the emotional rollercoaster that I currently was going through. Entering into coaching at that point was the best thing I could have done for myself.

I stayed with my coach for several years while she helped me navigate through the challenges that come with unconventional relationship structures. In the moment, I knew what was helping me most was having someone to talk to about all of it. In hindsight I know that the biggest blessing was her compassionate, non-judgmental approach and the fact that she did not try to talk me out of anything. At that point, I wasn’t ready to leave the relationship and I wouldn’t have done it. Telling me to leave it would have back fired, resulting in me isolating myself and having to deal with the situation alone. Instead she listened, held space and taught me compassion for myself and others. A gift that I cherish until this day.

What I understood from this is that there is no space like a safe coaching space. Your friends or your family will listen to your struggles to an extent, but will always have their opinions on what you should do. This is natural, since they are personally invested in your well-being and have their own projections of what is best for you. A coach however is only there for your needs and has the ability to approach the topic from a neutral stand-point. A coach is there for you, not for themselves.

As I began feeling more empowered and independent and our coaching work was nearing its end, I realised how grateful I was to have had a safe space and someone to hold my hand throughout those challenging times. I decided that I wanted to pass on the favour and to provide a space like this for others, who like me, might need guidance and a space where they are met without judgement.

This remains my number one rule in my coaching. No matter the situation or the circumstance (unless it is threatening the life or physical and mental health of the coachee), I will never exercise judgement or try to impress my opinion onto anyone. The idea is to support the coachee in the process of finding what is right for themself by themself, merely providing them with ideas and impulses to help them along on their journey. The purpose of a coach is to provide you with the tools that best equip you to deal with any obstacles that you come across on your unique path. This life is yours, not anyone else’s.